Sunday, December 22, 2013

Review: Tousle Me by Lucy V Morgan


Title: Tousle Me: A New Adult Parody
Series: Yes
Author: Lucy V. Morgan
Release Date: December 13th, 2013
Rating: 1 star
Cliffhanger: No
Additional Notes: DNF at 48%

He’s exquisitely hot. Exquisitely tousled. Exquisitely screwed in the head.

Cammibelle Hicks just wants to survive her first year of college. Desperate to forget her troubled past, she throws herself into her degree and book review blog. So what if her life is one long tumblr page of grumpy cat GIFs? She doesn’t need to get out more, and she definitely doesn’t need a man.

Hunter von Styles approaches life like he’s spoiling for a fight: with a tempting scowl. A cage-fighting, ex-rocker billionaire, it’s unclear why Hunter’s at college. Frankly, it makes no sense. Then Cammie falls into him—literally—at a party, and he’s obsessed. He needs her more than a moist towelette at a barbecue.

Though Cammie’s friends warn her against Hunter, she can’t resist his charms; especially not when he buys her shoes. And GoodReads. And a unicorn. But when her handsome best friend, medieval reenactor Archer Riddick, makes a play for her heart—and challenges Hunter to a jousting match—it turns out that Hunter has demons of his own. Demons that aren’t real ones, but metaphorical ones—which are MUCH WORSE, when you think about it…

Maybe I have a stick shoved deep into my ass, maybe I don’t have a sense of humor at all, but I did not laugh while reading Tousle Me. I didn’t giggle, snicker, snigger, chuckle, titter nor did I had fun. Mostly I was considering slitting my wrists open or contemplating my own sanity.

I just wanted a light read that will make me laugh and have a little bit fun. I didn’t expect nor did I knew I was signing myself up for reader’s suicide mission.

In my book there is funny, hilarious as in ‘I’m laughing my ass off’ and there is eye rolling, WTF face making ridiculousness, that's not amusing at all. Tousle Me was definitely in the last category. It's cheap. Reaaaally cheap. Reeeeeeeaaaaaallly cheap kind of book. There is no brilliance.

It has this weird , absolutely absurd sense of humor. From the constant New Adult book titles that were misspelled, like The Boy Who Sneaks into My Butt Crack (I mean, what??? Am I not getting it and it’s actually funny?) heroes names that were even worse, if it’s even possible (Rabies Maddox) or completely disgusting, bizarre scenes that involved masturbating or sex (I’m feeling too much American Pie here)

“I take it you got my package,” he says.
“I did.”
“And do you like my package?”
“Um…what is it, exactly?”
“It’s an advance review copy.”
“It is?”
Hunter clears his throat. “Of my penis.”
I choke down the phone.
“Hand-crafted in the finest Belgian chocolate,” he goes on, a wicked tone taking his voice.
“That’s very…very thoughtful,” I manage.
“Do you like the veins?” he asks. “They’re flavored with a hint of lavender. My idea. I’m especially proud of the big one that winds around the top.”

Even quoting it here made me throw up in my mouth a little. I mean what the fuck is that? Is it supposed to be funny? For me it’s at least weird or abnormal.

Please, folks forgive me. I just couldn’t handle it any more. I would love to read a new adult parody that have a taste and it’s nicely yet ironically done, not… this. In my humble opinion making fun of bloggers, books and Goodreads while definitely trivializing it… is wrong! 

But maybe, I just maybe if you are into parodies like Scary Movies, Airplanes, American Pie or Vampires Suck, you could have a 'snort your tea through nose kind of moments. I just didn't get it.


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